Should Have
by Cheeky Slytherin Lass
Summary: The war is over, and Dennis has to live with his guilt.


_For the Hogwarts Forum_

 _Gobstones-_

 _White stone- guilt_

 _Accuracy: "Don't leave me." Power: Dennis Creevey Technique: blanket_

 _Around the World in 31 Days (Benin: blanket)_

* * *

"Don't leave me," Dennis whispers.

His brother offers him a bright smile. "I'll be back, Dennis," he says. "I promise."

Dennis has learned to hate that word. _Promise._ A war is no place for promises. It's so unpredictable, and far too many promises get broken.

Colin turns, but Dennis catches him by the hand. "I can come with you," he offers, clinging to his older brother's hand for dear life. "We make a great team, Col."

It's true. During the many months they had spent on the run, they've learned to work together, fighting side by side and freeing themselves from more dangerous situations than Dennis can count. Why should this battle be any different from the many Snatchers they've had to defend themselves against.

"You have to go." Colin takes a deep breath, guilt flickering over his features. "You aren't old enough to fight."

"Neither are you!" Dennis feels the tears cling to his lashes. He wipes them away furiously with his free hand. "Come on. We're supposed to stay together. Dad said-"

"Dad always told me to keep you safe," Colin interrupts. "Go. Please."

Dennis wants to hold his big brother's hand and never let go. He doesn't care how childish it may seem. Letting go means having to come to terms with the fact that his brother is fighting a war, that Dennis is being left behind.

Colin reaches out, ruffling Dennis' messy hair with a warm smile. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

Dennis hugs his brother tightly before pulling away. He wants to argue. Hell, maybe if he keeps arguing, Colin will have to stand here all night. "Be safe," he says instead.

Colin offers him a salute. "Always am."

…

Dennis doesn't like the look in Professor McGonagall's eyes when she approaches him. He remembers that expression too well. His father had worn the same mix of sadness and sympathy when he'd told Dennis and Colin about their mother's death.

Dennis tries to climb to his feet out of courtesy to greet her, but his legs feel like gelatin; he wobbles for a moment before returning to his seat. His Head of House sits across from him. He's used to seeing the professor look frustrated or stern, but she looks like she might cry now.

"He isn't coming back, is he?" Dennis manages, his voice barely a whisper.

Professor McGonagall reaches across the table, taking Dennis gently by the hand. "I'm sorry, dear boy," she says.

He knows she means it, but those words sound so hollow. It's just like when his mother had died. So many words of sympathy, but none of them could take away the pain.

…

Dennis lays in Colin's bed, his brother's favorite blanket drawn over his lithe body. It's been a week since the battle, and he can't bring himself to leave this room except to eat, shower, and use the toilet.

"Den?"

He doesn't even glance over when his father comes in. He keeps his eyes fixed upon the ceiling. Moving photographs are tacked above, showcasing Colin's undying love for the school he had died to protect.

"I should have tried harder," Dennis whispers, watching as Harry Potter narrowly dodges a Bludger in one scene. "I should have begged him to stay."

He feels a gentle pressure on the mattress as his father sits beside him. Shaky fingers brush through Dennis' hair, and he feels silent tears trickle down his cheeks. "You can't blame yourself," his father whispers.

"I can."

And he does. Guilt has eaten away at his insides since that moment in the Hog's Head. There had been so many things he could have done. He could have begged Colin to stay until he'd given in. Dennis is the youngest, and he's always been able to wear Colin down eventually. He could have insisted on staying by his side. It would have just been another battle, and he could have his brother's back.

"Do you think Colin would want you to feel this way?"

This only makes Dennis feel worse. Colin wouldn't, of course. He'd probably smack Dennis for blaming himself.

But he can't help it. He tries to think of anything else, but his own accusing voice bounces around his head.

 _You should have tried harder. Colin is dead because of you._

He pulls the blanket more tightly around him, drawing it over his head. He can shut out the world, but his own intrusive thoughts are always there.

Colin is dead.

Dennis should have done more.

And he knows he will have to live with this guilt for the rest of his life.


End file.
